Sadness and happiness 😢

I have been trying to get pregnant for 4 years and I have had two miscarriages and so much hope lost. I feel like I’m broken and it has been so hard to even imagine my future with a baby/ kids. It is so depressing. Well my brother has been with his now wife for only a couple years and they just started trying and she found out she is 2 weeks pregnant 🤗and they have only told my parents but my mom can’t hide things from me so she told me. I haven’t been open with my parents about ttc because I don’t want them to get their hopes up like I have and be crushed for just another negative test or miscarriage. Anyways, I am so happy for my brother but I’m so sad because I want that. I want to be a mom and I have tried SOOO hard and it hurts so bad. I want to be happy for them but I can’t help but cry for myself. Which is totally selfish but I want that joy of seeing a positive test and going to the doctor and having check ups and feeling my baby kick and giving birth and holding my baby in my arms. I really want to be happy but I’m dieing inside.