How do I know if I’m ready?

Question

I never wanted kids. For me, it’s kinda terrifying to think that a person will grow inside me and be with me for at least the next 18 years and I’m responsible for raising a decent human being. My boyfriend really wants kids, which I’ve known all along, and I have started warming up to the idea. I find myself thinking about it and wondering what it’d be like to have a child. Though, on our anniversary, we were talking about it and just the thought of kids was really overwhelming. 
I’m 25 now and I can’t keep the saying that “my internal clock is running out” out of my head but I don’t even know if I’m ready for that yet. 
How did you know that you were ready?

Answer

honestly? i didn’t feel ready until i had a pregnancy scare a few months ago. during the 2-3 weeks that i was anxiously waiting for my period to arrive and testing damn near everyday, i spent a lot of my time mulling over the idea of being pregnant and what my next steps would be. id never wanted kids, like REALLY never wanted kids. but when i thought i might be pregnant, i spent a lot of late nights thinking about why that was. plenty of people don’t want kids and that’s that, and that’s perfectly fine! but i came to realize that my aversion to children and my insistence that i never wanted one was a coping mechanism to cover up the fact that i really DO want kids and I’m TERRIFIED of being a bad parent. 
when my period was officially late, i confided in some close friends what was going on. they reassured me that if i did end up being pregnant, i wouldn’t be alone. they told me that with determination they believed i’d be a good parent, and to remember that there was always outside resources. that’s when i decided that yes, i want kids, and it would not be the end of the world if i was pregnant then. 
as it would turn out, AF just showed up late a few days after that, and for once I was really sad to see her arrive. 
so tl;dr: sometimes you’re never ready until it’s happening and you gotta just put on your big girl pants and work hard to give your future kid a good life. it’s amazing how the inevitable can motivate you. that’s not to say you should go get pregnant right now just for the pressure, but i think you should make the most of your time right now to do research, talk to people, plan, etc. even if you do decide at the end that kids are not for you.

Answer

I felt the exact same way...and kinda still do honestly. I’m terrified but I’m 29 so we just decided to go for it. We are both stable, have jobs, a house, so we stopped preventing and just decided to see what happened. I was pregnant in 2 months and just turned 30w today. I’m still terrified and wonder if we did the right thing but every time I feel her kick I get so excited to meet her. I know it’s going to drastically change our lives but I know it will be for the better :) you still have time though girl there’s no rush. My mom had my little brother at 41!

Answer

You don’t, really. I’m 30, my husband is 34, we both have jobs and are settled into our careers. We have traveled and partied and done all the stuff you want to do when you’re young and dumb. Yet we *still* feel terrified about what this baby will do to us financially, and how it will change our lives.
For us it really was a time-is-running-out situation, as once you are over 30 it can get harder and harder to conceive and carry a healthy child. We both knew we wanted children but felt like we had lots of time, and then one day (probably it was me approaching 30 that did it) we realized that the time really is now.

Answer

I was 32 before I felt ready. My entire life, I never wanted kids. I met my husband and we got married and not long after that, I just knew I wanted to have kids with him. Crazy how it happens sometimes. Just like when you meet the right person, you know. Well, when you’re ready for a kid, you know. Sometimes you have a surprise kid and you become ready, but if you’re actively trying to avoid kids... if and when you become ready, you just sort of know.

Answer

My husband and I married when we were 26 and 36. I still didn’t feel “ready” by then but we started TTC because of his age and because we were married and financially stable. I’ll be delivering when we are 27 and 37 in a few months. Personally I could’ve waited until I was 28-29. I’m in grad school at the moment as well and he’s about to go back for his MBA. I don’t think there’s ever a perfect time where you feel 100% ready but this time in our lives makes the most sense from a practical side. We’re stable, we have great careers, our marriage is thriving. And these 9 months are letting me warm up to the idea of becoming a mother and switching gears. At the end of the day, this is probably the best time for us to do it. And once we have this one we plan to be done. Which leaves my 30s for raising this little one, and I’m looking forward to it!

Answer

I agree with above when you’ve found the right person it just kind of happens naturally (unless your Baby is a little surprise). 
Me and my Husband often discussed it but knew when that right time was. I gave birth to our Daughter when I was 25 and will give birth to our second baby just before my 27th Birthday. We felt ready, secure and at a good age. Your internal clock is not ticking at your age I would say you still have plenty of time.

Answer

I’m in the exact same boat as you!
Never wanted kids and hoped to marry someone who didn’t want kids either... instead I married someone who loved kids and wanted lots of them! 
My husband has never pressured me or made me feel bad for not being ready for kids, which is amazing!
Since my sister had a baby 3 months ago, I’ve started to be able to see my husband and I having a family of our own and it doesn’t seem to bad.
I am 28 and he is 32, so I definitely feel that internal clock! So we have decided to start trying in September. I am absolutely terrified! But I know whatever happens, he will be by my side and we will be okay!
Good luck to you with everything! :)

Answer

You’re never really “ready”. If you’re in a good relationship and have the means to take care of a child and it’s something you want, there’s no better time to start. 
I was 21 when I had my first and I wasn’t ready, but luckily & thankfully it all worked out and I’m now expecting my fourth. 
Good luck.

How do I know if I’m ready?

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