When I was eight,my cousin,same age as me,began to touch me in weird places and kiss me. I knew what he was doing,and tried to distance myself from him. Very hard,cause his big sister babysat us,and he frequently came to my house. I came over to his house about a week later and did all that again,and when I pushed him away,he started to blackmail me using something I did when I was younger. To this day,I forget what the secret was. I was a dumb kid,and it could have been anything. I complied and lost my virginity on his couch in his basement. It hurt then for me. It continued on until the week before I moved to Texas. I asked him why,and his answer is the reason I no longer care about my appearance. He said it was because I was beautiful. Back then,I cared a lot about my appearance,and made sure to look good every day. Only my Ex and close friends know. And there are still some times that make I feel as though I'm dirty all over,and take three showers. I feel worthless and so disgusted with myself.