So i was with someone on & off for almost 4 years. It was a horrible relationship. There was mental abuse & towards the end physical abuse. He always made me feel as if i wasn’t good enough. He cheated on me multiple times & i continuously took him back. bc of this i became very insecure in myself. always felt ugly & worthless & NEVER good enough. He always played the victim in the situation. Of course, at times i was in the wrong too. Im not perfect either. I left him over a year ago. It was best for me.

Recently I met a fun guy. He makes me smile. He lifts me out of my lows. (i have bipolar depression & anxiety) so when im in my very low episodes & dont feel like doing anything. He always seems to make me smile. He knows my story. Im learning his. So far , ive known him for a month ... i know. Fast. But , i really do connect with this kidd. Like , idk. We see eachother everyday if not then every other day. For hours . We cuddle , we kiss. He said he’d wait till im ready to have sex as he understands my previous story of being used for only sex.

But like , we have similar storys. We are both trying , hustling to make it out . Make it out of the ghetto , make it out of our block. We both say , if we rock w eachother heavy enough , together we gone make it out. As friends or as something stronger. Usually its made to be us females asking our role in someones life but he actually brought it up. He just asked me “ what am i to you” and i couldn’t answer bc i didn’t want to have the wrong one. but then i asked him back before replying & he answered with “ you my little baby” My heart melted . I feel as if he actually fucks with me heavy. im scared to start lowering my walls , scared to become vulnerable again & end up hurt. Bc theres also times & things he does that confuses me. In the beginning of our fling , he used to kiss me goodbye . he stopped. He doesn’t show affection or interest in me infront of his homeboys. Which yes , men tend to try to put up a front infront of they homeboys bc they dont want to be the guy with feelings but still. These are insecurities carried by me bc of my past. Males haven’t been the best people to me. They tend to hurt , use , & abuse me . Im honestly scared , but im also scared of losing someone thats finally showing me i can try being happy again.