about 7 months ago my first boyfriend and my first love broke up with me because he fell out of love with me. it made me feel worthless and life no one could love me. and that I wasn’t desired or love able. to prove a point to him and myself I started talking to this guy I met online. he lived near me and he was cute, and I thought he was sweet and smart. we met up and we hung out. I was way shyer in person than over text and I didn’t even want to kiss him. but the first date he kept asking me to kiss him so I did. and as the dates progressed the more we did. the more he begged to do more. I was a virgin and I didn’t want to him sex and he knew that. but every time he came over he begged for it and begged for it and I said no over and over each time he came over, until finally I said yes. and it was nothing sweet or romantic and it wasn’t long. I felt sick afterwards and useless. and after he left I felt even more worthless and unloveable. and I let him continue to come over because he was the only person I had. me and my best friend had a falling out, and anyways, I couldn’t tell her about this because she would judge me. but I let this guy keep coming over and I thought that if I kept letting him have sex with me then eventually he’d love me. but obviously that didn’t happen, and I just feel like shit now. I feel worthless. I feel like an absolute idiot, because I am. i feel like there’s no way to make me feel better. I look back and I don’t even know how I could have don’t that and I regret it so much. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to get over it and it cope.