Not love at first sight

I didn’t fall in love with my baby instantly like many other moms. He was an accident, his father and I weren’t together, we both weren’t sure what to do, but I ended up keeping him and his father and I got together and are going strong.

But it was rough before that.

I didn’t fall in love when I found out about him. I didn’t fall in love when I heard his heartbeat for the first time like my mom did. I didn’t fall in love when I felt him kick for the first time like his father did. I didn’t even fall in love when I heard him cry and got to touch him the first time.

I loved him but I didn’t feel that unconditional love like other mothers. I fell in love when he turned his head at the sound of my voice. When he fell asleep on my chest and didn’t want to be anywhere else. When he laughed for the first time. When he smiled at me in the morning, happy to be awake and in my arms.

It wasn’t immediate, but I fell in love with my baby and can’t imagine life without him. I just want other mothers in the same boat to know it will happen eventually even if it’s not immediate, and that’s ok.