Is it normal?

Question

Yesterday me and my boyfriend were talking about what we expect from long term relationships etc. and I told My boyfriend of 4 yrs that I just want someone who is certain that they want me and only me, and he said that “well that’s not possible, you can never have that, 100% feeling of certainty”. And I sort of got very upset because I am certain that I want just him and no other man. Is it normal to have long & healthy relationship yet not be fully certain? Am I overreacting?

Answer

It is very human to have doubts. The doubts themselves matter very little. It’s the underlying causes and the actions taken as a result of those doubts that matter. 
Long-term relationships last when people choose each other over and over again.

Answer

Being uncertain after 4 years is a bit odd to me. Like you say, you’re certain so why isn’t he? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Answer

I’m 50/50 on this one. I think after four years he should be certain he is going to stay loyal to you and choose you above anyone else. However, after being married for awhile, I think it’s normal to have brief moments of feeling a little uncertain. For example, my husband and I went through a rough patch for a month or so when we both started new jobs that took up most of our time and we barely got to see each other, and when we did it seemed like we only argued. There was a moment or two during that time where I wasn’t sure if we were going to make it and I wondered if I just wanted to start over with someone else. However, that passed quickly and I realized there wasn’t anyone else who made me feel the way he did. I’d say there’s a difference between being 100% sure you want to be with that person and no one else and being 100% that you’re going to make it no matter what happens between you two (it’s true you can’t predict the future). After four years, he should know if he’s going to be loyal to you and only you and be happy about that choice. Good luck babe!!!

Answer

Does he mean that someone can’t ever be 100% certain their partner wants them and only them? Because in that case, he isn’t saying he isn’t certain he wants you and only you, he’s just saying that in reality, you can’t always be sure you know other people’s intentions. I think he may just be being realistic. 
I’m very very sure my husband is faithful and only wants me, however, I am not blind to the fact that sometimes things change in life. I realize other people have thought the same and ended up getting cheated on and divorced. So do I technically realize that is possible? Of course. It’s always possible. But do I actually believe it’ll happen? No, I don’t. Because as of right now and everything leading up to right now, I have no reason to think that. 
To me, that’s what it sounds like. But you know him better and you know the way it was said and your situation. Maybe just try to verify how he meant it and then realize that it doesn’t necessarily mean what you think it means. Just be open and honest. Ask him directly, “Am I the only one you want?” “Do you think you’re the only one I want?” And you’ll know his thoughts and feelings about it.

Answer

🚩🚩 Doesn't seem right to me at all.

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i’m married and i’ve been with a lot of other men before. the difference between those other men and my bow husband is that i was CERTAIN i wanted only him forever. because marriage and relationships are a COMMITMENT to each other.

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i voted no because i meant its not ok on his part

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My boyfriend has said the same thing before. It pissed me off really bad. I understand how meant it though I guess. Like, you never know..
As much as it hurt, it is the truth at least.  No one can tell the future.

Answer

Not okay at all. He obviously doesn't think that he can be faithful and love you and only you for the rest of his life. I'd be Leaving his ass so fast. I'd not want to waste anymore of my life on that person.

Is it normal?

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