Should i be upset?

Lately I’ve been feeling horrible about myself. My youngest is 9 months today and my stomach is still saggy. The stretch marks I can deal with. My boobs aren’t as perky as they were before I had my two daughters. My skin isn’t horrible but I have acne scars. My hair never looks right. Nothing looks good on me and I feel fat and ugly. Even when I do my makeup or dress up I feel the same. I hate myself so much.

My boyfriend and I got into a fight over something stupid. He went to bed because he has work in the morning and after cleaning all day, making dinner and taking care of our two girls I thought I’d chill and watch tv instead of going with him. We live in a two bedroom apartment and because of water damage from the people above us we don’t have any doors until they get fixed. Well the girls were wide awake so I thought I’d stay up until they fell asleep in the living room and watch tv. He kept asking me to come to bed and making excuses to talk to me. I told him i was doing him a favor by keeping the girls in here and making it quite so he could get some sleep. He kept up and then eventually started calling me an ass and all that and saying he just wanted to cuddle. He always complains about how tired he is so I thought I was doing him a favor and doing the right thing :(

It got late and the girls calmed down and fell asleep. He woke up and started being shitty with me and we eventually got into a fight: I wanted to avoid it so I wasn’t as into the fight as he was. He then told me to go fuck myself and it hurt my feelings so I said yeah go fuck yourself too already accepting all I did today didn’t matter and he wanted a fight. He then replied “yeah i do fuck my self because I’d rather do that then fuck you. It’s better than fucking you. I wish i never stuck my dick in you” i was so shocked and heartbroken that I just rolled over and started crying to myself silently. He then pulled my blanket off me and said other things I couldn’t hear out of shock. We use different blankets because he hogs them. Later on he pulled the blanket over me but it still upset me.

I woke up in the middle of the night because I remembered I forgot to make his lunch. I made it them wrote a note that said I love you to the moon 🌙 and back. And he threw it away this morning and took the lunch. I know it’s stupid but it hurt because I still wanted to write him something sweet because he said my notes made him smile and made his day, even after What he said to me.

I already feel like crap about myself and now all I can think of is he doesn’t like having sex with me and thinks I’m gross. And wondering how this will effect our sex life. I’m so heartbroken.

Should i be upset or is this just something said out of anger? I always heard you say the truth when angry. But I’ve been really mad before and said horrible things I don’t mean out of anger. What do i do? I love this man so much but I can’t stop hurting or wanting to cry.