Feeling very disappointed

I just cancelled my appointment with my PCP doctor this Saturday. I’ve been seen by him for 7 years now and always have had a great relationship. Because of my complicated medical history, he always treated me as a VIP patient. I set up the appointment to get my depo shot and wrote him multiple messages explaining why I would like to stay on depo, but he failed to respond which is a clear signal to me that even if I show up, he won’t prescribe it to me... Last time right after I started depo, I experienced severe vertigo which led to a 911 call and 6 days of hospital stay. My neuro and OB/Gyn all blame depo as the cause. I try to reason with him that it could also be a cross drug interaction, also could because of the special hormonal state of my body at the time of injection (excessively heavy bleeding lasting almost a week), or the combination of any number of factors.

I’m 41 and have had endo since my teen years. Recently I noticed that the pain started to radiate to buttock (likely due to endo growth on sciatic nerve). I had pain with urinating and BM during my period too. My ultrasound also show ovarian endometrioma and lots of pelvic fluid. All of these point to the fact that endo is expanding into deep infiltrating type. I read that this type of endo has a small likelihood of malignant transformation because they express cancer genes. I had a personal history of cancer diagnosed at age 35 without any risk factor. My cancer expresses the same type of genetic mutation expressed in deep infiltrating endo. I think it’s quite legit for me to worry about the future likelihood of malignancy in this case.

My OB/Gyn recommends hysterectomy which obviously is unacceptable to me because it does not solve my problem. My PCP wants me to see a new OB/Gyn to discuss alternative options (other than depo).

Nowadays, MyChart on EPIC is accessible virtually everywhere. No one would agree to give me another depo shot after seeing the multiple ED visits, 911 call, hospitalization records, etc. But how can they be so sure with just one incident after a first shot? I am the patient and I am willing to take a risk to test a second shot in order to determine whether it is really a depo side effect. Why am I not given my right to choose my preferred contraception method? I feel like my favorite PCP abandoned me and no one listens to me anymore... It makes me feel really down......