So me and my boyfriend broke up few weeks ago. He was very possessive, extremely jealous and our relationship was a mess from the start. There were lies, probably cheating also but i rather not know, instagram and snapchat b*** texting (just to mention i had to delete mine because he wanted it that way while he was still keeping it).... and I was so dumb letting him to make me feel like I dont deserve more and everything was always my fault. A lot of friends asked me why I stayed and why we decided to keep our baby, and that I deserve better and so on... but i know that now, that I’ve completely lost myself while giving all for this relationship to work and giving everything I had to make him feel loved and cared for. But I cant change him. I cant fix this relationship alone by myself, it takes two. And I am still feeling so super depressed, because he decided to throw me out in the middle of the night (while i was sleeping and he was on cocaine) of his house even if I had my own apartment ( he wanted me to get out of there and move in his house) and now.... well he decided that HE is sick of me, that he cant live with me anymore and he dont want me and this child.

After that he suddenly send me a message that he will fight for him and take him away from me, even if one day before he told me i should make an abortion and slapped me twice. He is occasionally on drugs even if I dont support that shit, don’t have a job, living his life like he wants, spending his money for a couple of grams while not saving anything for baby or even thinking about it.

I am 15 weeks pregnant, working at two jobs, finishing my physiotherapy studying, having workout classes for elder people....trying my hardest to get some money for my baby and my future. I have family support of course from both sides. But I feel so alone at times and wonder about many things....like why he is still mean, why he cant change, who is gonna stand by my side while giving birth, is he gonna try to take my baby away from me, is he gonna ever give me any kind of support, like why me? What have I ever done wrong to anyone?

I’m so sorry for such a long post, my broken english at times... i keep my head up for my child as much as I can and try not to think about anything, got myself and paying rent for my new apartment, even if I’m only 22 years old. He is 7 years older, have no vision and not giving a single shit about others- their feelings, needs, no empathy... typical narcissist, I have to say.

I care about him still.... even after throwing me out, beating me up(pregnant) and I forgive him. But I’m done being a savior for everyone else. All I ever wanted was someone to give me love and to have a happy family. That was all. Now I’m alone while feeling so sick, throwing up everyday, without my partner. I have friends, family... but I hope u understand what I’m trying to say. It’s not the same.

I deserve much more than that. I want my child to have everything what I didnt have while growing up with abusive alcohol addicted parent. My child deserves much more.

He wanted to keep in touch anyway, i guess because he regrets it now like always, but I blocked him everywhere. I need some space and time for myself.

Anyone else struggling with familiar situation?

❤️

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