I live in Ireland with my partner and our nearly 4 yo girl. I’m 38w with my second baby. We are both 33 years of age.

Ever since I I told my mom I was expecting (it was all planned) she offered to come from Brasil (that’s where she lives with her parents, which she “kinda” cares for cause they’re old) and stay for as long as I’d like to help me out with getting ready for baby, help out with my daughter and with house chores (she doesn’t have a job back in Brasil). Well, she arrived a month ago and she came to stay for 3 months altogether (a month and a half before baby and another month and a half after), right after I started my maternity leave. I thought it was going to be great having her here specially because it coincided with the end of pre school year for my daughter and my partner also started training to be a prison officer which meant he was gonna be stationed 1h30 min away for 6 weeks, Monday-Friday, to do college/training. Well, about a week after she arrived, her behaviour started changing. She went from smoking 3 or 4 cigarettes a day to smoking about 10-15. Most days she will smoke several cigarettes and drink several cups of coffee before even having a glass of water or even a bite to eat. She also started helping me less and less with house duties and with my daughter, and mind my partner is away all week. Sometimes she has good days when she will do more like play games with my daughter or take her for a walk but most days she will stay in bed, talking to her friends on WhatsApp, smoking and sleeping and I end up doing the same amount of work as I was doing before she arrived. When I showed my frustration about how little attention she’s been giving my daughter or about how she spends most of her days she says she’s stressed out (she’s not happy with her life situation back in Brasil, she has relationship problems with her parents and her brother, she’s also very anxious about her cigarette addiction but can’t find the strength to stop). She says her mind is not in a great place so I shouldn’t be expecting her to be joyful or happy all the time, that I shouldn’t expect her to be more interactive with my daughter and that she’s doing what she can. Well, this has been going on for about 3 weeks, her moods, her depressed behaviour, her obsessive smoking. She’s always tired, she’s always with a headache (not surprised, considering the amount of smoke and not enough food and water, etc.) she hardly ever go out for walks, she spends most of her days in the house. Now, las weekend it all came to sh*t. My partner finished his training and he’s now off for 2 weeks, he came home friday night and since he’s been back she's been kinda “hiding” in the bedroom and not interacting much, (always on the phone with her friends talking about her “issues”, her struggles, etc and I respect that, don’t wanna be forcing her into doing or being something she’s not comfortable but also feeling frustrated because we lost our privacy and have to pay for food, electricity etc for her to be here and feel like she’s not much of an addition and even a pleasant person to be around). Well saturday we took my daughter to the zoo, we were out for the whole day. My mom had the house to herself. When we came back my partner wanted to meet a friend and watch the soccer game and I didn't see a problem (I do have my mother here and she “came to help” so why shouldn't he be able to go out for a few hours and enjoy himself?) So he did and I stayed home, bathed my daughter, gave her food, played with her and put her to sleep. Not once my mom offered help, she only got out of her bedroom to smoke. Ok, sunday came and we invited her to go out for breakfast with us as someone was coming to paint the kitchen walls so we wouldn't be able to use the kitchen that day. She refused, said she wanted to stay home that she could use the time to be on her own (FFS, she was ALONE the WHOLE DAY on saturday. WTF?) Ok, she stayed, we went for breakfast and after we went to visit his mom who lives just up the road (walking distance from our house). His mom invited us to stay for dinner and invited my mom , again she refused. At this point I’m annoyed and kinda embarrassed she makes no effort to be social or nothing. It’s like she's in her own bubble with her head so far up her ass she couldn't care less) Ok, we got back home from his mom’s and he had asked me earlier if he could go to the pub and meet his friends for a few hours (he never celebrated finishing the training and the new job) and I had said yes. Again my mom acts the same way she did on saturday evening. Hiding in her bedroom, smoking like a crazy person, etc, never offered to give Bella a shower, or give her dinner or even spend an hour with her. I didn't say anything, I did my jobs, entertained my daughter and put her to sleep. Then my partner got home around 9pm from the pub and we decided to watch a movie, my mom decided to come down from her bedroom. She then asked if she could eat the food my MIL had given me leftovers from dinner (I was so looking forward to eating them leftovers), I said yes, but i was angry inside, why can’t she fucking cook her own food? SHE DID NOTHING ALL DAY. And she ended up sitting there and watching the movie when I was really looking forward to having some alone time with me partner.

Now this morning she wanted to start a conversation with my partner to tell him how she thought it was wrong the he wanted to have a lie in and give my daughter the ipad when she woke up, because in her opinion he should be up when our daughter was up and she basically wanted to judge and give him her opinion when he didn't ask for it. He wasn't having any of it. He told her he didn't want to have that conversation at that time and they could talk later. She continued to pursue him around the house forcing him to engage and listen to her opinion and in the end when she couldn't have it her way she said she wanted to go back to Brasil. This was about 2 hours ago.

I’m so upset. She's not gonna meet my new daughter. She’s constantly judging us and pointing out our mistakes as parents but she can’t figure out her own life! She gives her opinion when not asked. She’s a recovering alcoholic (for 30 years now) and she’s very judgemental when it comes to other ppl’s habits. I’m 100% comfortable with my partner having a drink, he’s fucking Irish! He’s hard working, I’m hard working, we pay all our bills, never ever asked her for ANYTHING, in fact we are paying for her stay here.

I feel like she was just waiting for an excuse to say she wants to leave. I’m hurt and disappointed and a bit confused. I’m feeling guilty for even feeling kinda relieved she’s leaving but at the same time I can’t have her here judging us 24/7 and not helping and watching her destroy her health.