So my boyfriend and I were waiting for when we felt was a good time to introduce me to his daughter. We've been together about a year, we're pretty secure in our commitment to each other. But his daughter still hasn't been handling the separation of her parents well. That's partly his fault for not setting solid enough boundaries for the sake of easing her transition, but ultimately it's confused her. So again, we've been patient and taking our time.

But his baby momma showed up unannounced and uninvited with his daughter while I happened to be at his place. His daughter was already upset, and he wasn't really able to calm her down. Once they got back home, he got a call from his daughter. She was still upset and asking about me, so clearly her mother was telling her god knows what.

We're not really sure what to do at this point. This isn't how we wanted things to go, and we need to figure out how to rescue the situation so that his daughter can still adjust and come to accept me. I've already told him that he needs to reassure her as much as possible that he loved her and she's his priority, and show her that he has plenty of time and attention for her. I wonder if maybe it's a good idea to let her dictate when she's ready to meet me? Or are we just overthinking this and we should all just take a trip to the beach before summer is over and hope for the best? She's just 5...

Any "bonus moms" have advice or experience to share here?