I’m pregnant with our second baby and having a hard time as it is, and struggling financially.. and then he says this :/

Some background info, his older son is coming to visit soon and he needs money to go out and do things with him. I’ve been wanting to get my hair done for a year now because it’s a mess. I haven’t had it done since before I had my son. So the argument started because we are having a rough time financially. So I said I would postpone the hair of course, but then he started talking about going out to eat, the movies, etc and we just don’t have the money. I feel so bad because I know he wants to entertain his son and be the fun dad. But I’m worried about paying our electricity, Internet, keeping our car that we are two payments behind on. I am so stressed. I was watching these two children for a week while their parents needed short time care, but the little boy who is 3 was violent. And I mean throwing things, hitting his sister, yelling, etc. time out was NOT working and I have a 7 month old and am 4 months pregnant. I have terrible anxiety and I was worried he would hit my son or throw things at me next. So I told them I couldn’t do it anymore. They understood and took him to the grandparents house for the last few days they needed care.

Now my boyfriend sent me these texts today and I know he’s frustrated because of needing more money for when his son comes for fun things, but I don’t get why he is blaming me. If I could go get a job, I would. We do not live near any family or friends, we tried childcare but we can’t find anyone for the hours we need and we cannot afford it either. So that’s why I resulted to temporarily babysitting to help catch up on things. I just feel like shit that he said that to me and is being so mean. He was understanding the other day It seemed... how would you react?? Am I that terrible for my decision?