My due date was originally July 3rd but at my first ultrasound they changed it to July 17th. I had a normal pregnancy other than some extreme itching for no reason.

In September 2017 my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer. She had major surgery and did chemo and was declared “cancer free” in January 2018. In March 2018 she had a scan that showed enlarged lymph nodes and May 21, 2018 she was diagnosed with cancer again. She had her first immunotherapy treatment shortly after. She was told this wasn’t a curative treatment as her cancer could not be cured but maintained. June 12th she was admitted into the hospital and June 14th she was life flighted to a different better hospital. To say the next month was a nightmare would be an understatement. We almost lost her twice. She was in the icu for the whole month. She had liver and kidney failure. She was intubated twice and put into a medically induced coma twice as well as medically paralyzed. When she woke up she was never the same person, her personality was different. She went in for a “small 45 minute surgery” and it lasted 5 hours. They had to intubate her and leave her chest wide open because she was so swollen from the kidney failure that they couldn’t close her up.

July 1st I went to the hospital to visit her and she was still intubated from that surgery. That night at 10pm my water started breaking. And 14 hours later on July 2, 2018 our son was born.

My actual birth story:

Starting at 8pm I started having regular “Braxton Hicks” they were coming every 9 minutes but didn’t hurt at all. At 10pm right after my 2 year old FINALLY fell asleep I got up to pee. My husband was in the bathroom and we got ready to go put a movie in. As I walked out of the bathroom I felt something kind of pool out of me and told him to hold on. I sat on the toilet and what came out was cloudy. I told him my water was breaking and we needed to go to the hospital. More liquid and blood started coming out. We packed up clothes and got everything in the car. I drove to keep myself calm. As I drove the 20 minutes to the hospital my water broke 3 more times with huge gushes all over my driver seat. I got to the hospital and they checked me to confirm it was my water breaking. After 12 hours I wasn’t progressing so they hooked me up to pitocin and gave me morphine for pain. I couldn’t stay awake between contractions and they started getting unbearable. I told them I needed to be checked and I needed more medication. I wanted the intrathecal. When they finally checked me I was 8-9cm and they brought me to the room to push and told me it was too late for pain meds. I literally did not think I was going to be able to push him out. It hurt so bad and I had no energy. But 35 minutes later he was out and the pain instantly went away and I felt wide awake. They said by the amount of vernix that he was definitely two weeks early. I had wondered if he came on time since they had changed my due date but they said he was early. And he was covered in vernix.

When my sister went to the hospital she wasn’t going to tell my mom but when she walked in the room my mom said “where’s kristen?” And my sister said “she’s home resting” and my mother said “no she’s not, she had the baby” how she knew this we will never know.

Despite some doctors suggestions my mother came home July 11, 2018. She was happy to be home and we were happy to have her home. She began declining everyday. She could barely stay awake. Her cancer came back so aggressive and was recking havoc on her body. She got the energy twice to hold my baby and those pictures I will hold onto forever. I’m so so thankful for them. My biggest fear was them not meeting.

On Sunday July 22, 2018 my mom passed away. And I am a firm believer that is why my baby boy came early. He knew he had to meet his Grammy. While she was never the same and never talked about what was happening, she held my baby boy and cried and told him she was sorry.

This is the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through and doing it while being post partum and learning how to be a mom of two is not easy. I just keep thinking “I’m 25 how am I supposed to go the rest of my life never talking to my mom again?” I’m so thankful that my baby came early and they got to meet but one of the hardest parts of this is that my children will never know their Grammy.