I have been hesitant on even venting on this platform because in my mind, I'm overreacting and that it isn't even worth being bothered over. But I just need someone to listen. It's been a month that I've been dealing with this, life has been looking up for me and getting better up until this point. This entire month I've been so down on myself and beating myself up. If it's not about my weight it's about my appearance, and it's killing me. I am not happy with myself at all. That eventually morphed into what's going on today. I don't know what's wrong with me but it hit me hard yesterday and it's hitting me hard again today. I've been stressed because of work and trying to prove to my parents that I'm not a failure or a disappointment (they have called me such then pretended like they didn't). If I'm not beating myself up over my body I'm thinking back to past experiences and they make my skin crawl. I'm at war with myself. Life is tiring and I wish I could just leave it all behind. I'm tired of looking in the mirror and saying "you should try to eat just a little bit less today." and "why am I getting bigger even though I've cut back on what I eat? I used to be smaller and thinner". I'm tired of having my parents tell me that I need to get it together even though I'm trying my best. I'm tired of feeling like my body is against me because one day I can be fine and the next I'm about to faint. I'm just fucking tired.