ok. the title is vague. sorry.

But I'm lost. I'm not sure how to feel alot if the times.

So let me give ya the run down. I'm 29 was and 3days pregnant with my 3rd child. 1st child a boy passed away 5 years ago some day he was born. 2nd child who will be 5 in August and starts kindergarten in 3 weeks is my rainbow baby my daughter. now 3rd baby is a boy. I'm excited to have boy and so is my husband. but this is where its complicated. my husband and I used to be swingers before I got pregnant.

Yes we were protection and I was on birth control. Well we slowed down and weren't doing it as often with others. We decided to stop. well pretty much after we decided no more, about 3 1/2 months later I'm pregnant.

now to some this may not be a big issue. but to me it is it was so close to everything else from what I remember and he remembers that there could be a chance it's not my husband's. in which case I and him will be greatly disappointed. Please no judgement!!

no one knows except him and I. We are both very excited to be having a boy again. but I feel like I can't love it the way I want too if it's not my husband's. I can't afford to get a safe prenatal paternity test. so I'm at a loss. I have severe clinical depression. and this us makes in ng my anxiety and depression worse.

I'm also high risk. now I would never abort a child unless it was life threatening which is why I decided to go through it. but everyone in our family is really excited. and if it isn't my husbands I will do adoption. now some ppl Think that is horrible it's my baby I should be able to keep it. well my husband doesn't want me to keep if it's not his and honestly I don't want to either. and I said this to him before he did. I know its mine. but I feel like it would ruin me mentally. again yes it's our fault we know that. I'm just asking what others would feel or if you've been through something similar how did feel or how would you feel and how did you handle this. please i need advice. It's literally killing me.