Feeling shitty.. bipolar mother rant

Like the title says I feel pretty shitty right now all because I’m trying to avoid the worst from happening to my bipolar mother. For the past 3 days I’ve been watching her behavior and I’ve noticed she’s become really irritable and violent with random people for literally no reason & then she’ll snap out of it for a while become “normal” and happy again.. She’s been dealing with bipolar disorder since I was a child and I feel like I’ve become an expert at reading her behavior, and her actions has shown me that something isn’t right. Yesterday I checked her meds and found out she has completely stopped taking them. Trying to avoid the inevitable hospital visit, I forced her to take them right away.. but I had a feeling she was already too far gone.

Today while I took her grocery shopping she experienced yet another episode in the store, calling everyone “devils” and becoming violent with the employees. At that moment I knew it was time.

I didn’t address what had occurred in the store and simply drove her back home.. while in the car she was rolling down the window, starting arguments with people on the street while I’m stopped at redlights 😩Once I finally got her home, safely I dialed the police and fire department to help me get her to the nearest mental facility. I knew I couldn’t drive her there myself because that’ll be a safety issue for us both.

Once the police arrived they tried to talk her into going to hospital to get treatment voluntarily, but of course she refused because she thinks “nothing is wrong with her”. I was forced to make the hard decision of telling the police she needs to go.. even if it’s against her own will.

Looking at them take her out by force was hard.. I felt like I had betrayed her and I KNOW she feels the same.. to make matters worse our neighborhood hospital is crappy doesn’t give the best care but that’s the only place they were allowed to take her.

She’s only been in hospital since 6pm, but has already called from the hospital phone several times saying how much she hates it there and how she doesn’t understand why I put her there. Honestly it’s just making me feel like COMPLETE SHIT. I didn’t want to be the one to make that call, see her dragged out of her home but it had to be done before she hurt someone or herself 😭😭😭😭I’m just so sad now. The last time she called me I kinda yelled at her because she wasn’t owning up to her shit, saying that she was taking her medicine properly when I know she wasn’t.

Now I’m kinda scared I’ve upset her more and she won’t call again while she’s in there getting help 😣