Keep them away?

Question

I have a 4 month old daughter and she is the first on my husband’s side. He is an only child so he’s had all the attention all his life. A few weeks ago we had gone to a family get together and my husband was talking about how he finally was able to put the baby to sleep by himself (he struggles with calming the baby). My in-laws constantly commends my husband not me on how happy our baby is and how she’s so well taken care of. Not once have they complemented me or have said “you’re doing great.” But every time my husband says something about how he made her smile one day, they just go on and on about how great of a father he is and how well he takes care of the baby even though I’m the primary care giver. ANYWAYS, I was holding my baby and just talking to my MIL about how I tell my husband that he will be able to take care of our daughter without me at some point when she verbatim said “well she’s close to you right now because you have the food.” I didn’t think anything of it because I just decided to laugh and let it go. Well then the conversation kept going about how babies will get comfortable with their dads as they get older and spend more time with them...blah blah. Then she again says to me “you have to prepare yourself because one day she will just forget about you and be all about Jim (my husband)...she’s only favoring you now because you have the food.” Still I say nothing and just nod. I can’t believe she reiterated that statement. WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU SAY THAT TO ANYONE. Yet, i don’t know why she said that. That was like 3 weeks ago and honestly I’m so mad and sad at the same time because she made me feel so bad. Little did she know I was having issues with breastfeeding and it was not something i wanted to hear. For the past couple of weeks I’ve been somewhat feeling that I don’t want my daughter to be comfortable with my husband so she doesn’t “just forget about me.” Horrible I know but I’ve talked to my husband about how I’ve been feeling and he says he understands. I’ve told him not to say anything to his mom to somewhat keep the peace but I don’t want to be around her anymore and I don’t really want her to be around my daughter. She has brought negative thoughts and fears in my head and I don’t need that in my life. Am I crazy to feel this way?

Answer

First and foremost, how you feel it’s just how you feel and there’s nothing about feelings that should be judged. Feelings are different from actions and in my view whatever we feel emotionally is OK!!
Also I think that a lot of the things you’re feeling are perfectly normal and common for new moms. 
She was insensitive and out of line to make the comments that she made. She’s probably feeling insecure because she is the mother of the dad not the mother of the daughter – and often parents of the dad just don’t get to be as close to the grandchildren. It may not seem fair but those are the facts.  Try to keep in mind that her motivations for saying whatever she said or about her – not about you or your relationship with your child.
I think that you will probably feel better in a few months. But if you don’t then the grandparents have to learn that if they cannot be completely supportive and step in line with what mom and dad want, then they risk damaging their relationship with their children and grandchildren, and that’s just on them. So if she has alienated you that’s really on her. Give it a few months to see if you feel better.
In terms of breast-feeding, it truly is one of the most difficult parts about having a new baby. I urge you to meet with a lactation consultant if you have not already, and to join some local breast-feeding groups.

Answer

You’re not crazy! Your mil is... this legit sounds like a conversation I had with my own mil. Back when I was still breastfeeding my daughter (first grandchild on both sides so you can imagine) she said the same thing about my daughter favoring me because I have the food/milk. My daughter is almost 2 & is still a mama’s girl. I stopped breastfeeding her at the beginning of the year. She still prefers me over ANYONE including my hubby. And she is super clingy to me (which I don’t mind most of the time). My mil is her least favorite person & it makes me happy. Haha sorry not sorry! 
Hang in there mama!

Answer

I breastfed and while it drove my MIL crazy I'm sure, she never said anything. fast forward to the "OMG mom you sat me down and left!?!?" phase and my MIL kept getting up in my daughter's face. Always wanting to rip her out of my hands as soon as we get somewhere... well, I'm washing dishes and my MIL comes in and gets right in my daughter's face (who is in one of those car walkers) and my daughter starts balling. MIL says "oh you want Grandma to hold you?" which makes it worse. Lady don't know when to quit. But I just let her do it because she's reinforcing the dislike in my daughter.

Keep them away?

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