I feel so upset

I asked my ex to come over because I can’t get him out of my mind. I miss him all the time. He came over, it was hella awkward then he asked to get in my bed. He started poking me and one thing led to another and we started having sex.

He busted in less than a minute, not to mention he’s really big so it was very painful and I didn’t even get the chance to cum. I said “give it a few and we’ll go again” because normally he’ll wait until I cum for him to cum. But instead he says “I’m hungry. I wanna go to ihop. You wanna come” and I said “well I’m broke” and he’s like “oh well I’m saving up for this new gun so”.... so I said okay I am hungry and there’s no food here so let’s go, and I brought my credit card (that I’m not supposed to be using). Then hes like “you wanna come? I mean that’s a lot of gas back and forth. Oh well. Come on” so I was a little butthurt about that.

We went to ihop and I’m looking at the menu and I know I’ll be disappointed in myself if I charge my card again, and I don’t see anything cheap so I just close my menu. The waitress takes his order then she asks me and I’m like “oh I’m not eating”. He doesn’t say anything. She brings his food and he got a combo and went all out. He starts scarfing it down and I’m looking at it because I’m hungry but trying not to be too obvious. He didn’t offer me a single fry or ask me why I wasn’t eating. I put my head down because I was upset but also because he works nights so he’s up all night but I work days and this was at 3 am. Not once does he ask if I’m alright.

We go to the car and I’m silent the whole ride home. When we get to my house he drops me off, when I expected him to come in and hang out with me some more. He’s like “I’ll see you” and I just shut the door.

I guess I’m just disappointed in myself, I’m upset, I feel used and like he doesn’t care anymore. He used to be so in love with me, he chased me for years. Now it’s like things have totally changed..