Is this a cry for help?

Question

Long story short, my SO and I had a stupid argument about buying cars (difference of opinion) which escalated significantly. He called me names - delusional, psychotic etc. repeatedly told me “what’s wrong with you” and also “why are you so sure of yourself”. Anyway, fight the fizzled out. I acknowledged my wrong but I felt like he didn’t apologise for his part in the argument. 
Next morning I message him saying it might not be the best idea for me to visit him this weekend (LDR) since he has assignments due. Didn’t want to bring up that I felt a bit hurt he didn’t apologise for saying awful things to me the night before, maybe some space would help. Anyway, he didn’t take my possibly not coming to see him well, and the lack of apology was brought up, things mildly escalated again.. 
Then he sends me..

And now I don’t know what to do. Is this a cry for help? Should I go see him? Should I give him space? Can someone please help me. 
(And please don’t just suggest we break up - trying to work on arguing more healthily and would appreciate some constructive comments 🙏🏼)

Answer

It sounds manipulative to me. I’d take the space and give it some time. Maybe try counseling to get tools for handling disagreements. He needs to have more respect and no name calling us ever okay. No matter how mad y’all get there should be respect.

Answer

As being the sister to a brother that suffers from depression I can say from experience that it is not a cry for help. I don’t find it manipulative either though. Sounds to me like he’s incredibly stressed out, frazzled and was being honest about his feelings. He probably is upset that you are choosing to not see him. I don’t think that choosing to not visit based off of your hurt feelings from last nights conversation is mature or intelligent. The LDR itself is a strain. Regardless of him having assignments due it would probably do you both some good to bond skin to skin and be able to be face to face to talk. Just my thoughts.

Answer

Stop asking what question? Maybe instead of not going to see him you should tell him what’s actually bothering you. “I feel like you didn’t apologize properly for the harsh things you said to me during our argument. We need to have a real conversation about what’s going on in order for me to move on from it. Otherwise I’ll just be coming to visit so we can argue some more. Which isn’t what I want to do.” Obviously, in your own words. Men can’t read our minds but stressed out or not it’s never okay to talk to your partner in a way that puts them down or hurts their feelings and NOT apologize after. We all say things we don’t mean but we also have to own up to them when we do. He is no exception to that rule.

Answer

I wouldn't go see him if you're thinking of doing it out of guilt. You were originally not going to see him due to his assignments etc - has that part of it changed?
Honestly? The messages he has sent there come across to me as manipulative - I am not in any way shape or form saying HE is manipulative, but those messages certainly are..and are akin to a child throwing his toys out bc he hasn't gotten his own way.
There reasoning behind you not going to see him, if that reasoning has changed - then sure, go see him. If that reasoning hasn't - then don't. Feels like he's trying to get his own way tbh.
LDR's can often bring this sort of stuff to the fore bc you're not together all the time, not accessible as easily as when not in an LDR. So the moment a visit feels threatened bc you guys don't get the time together it feels like a massive deal ... hence I guess the manipulative texts.
My husband and I did LDR for 2 years - he was in the USA and I was in the U.K, so I guess the ultimate LDR lol.. and we had this a few times. I never once stood for it. Slightly different because the logistics of visits are different and much more expensive ;) but, if I called off a video call or a date night for a particular reason then it was off - as long as the original reasoning behind it still stood. He would send me messages or try and persuade otherwise over the phone etc. but there was a reason I cancelled so I stood firm.

Answer

If you don't instinctively know what to do in this situation then you should honestly walk away and be a good person

Is this a cry for help?

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