Hello everyone.

So I am 20, my boyfriend is 23. I started smoking at age 14 but quit recently at 19 because I wanted to avoid medical issues. plus, it was staining my teeth, making my skin and nails bad, my heart issues we're getting a lot worse, etc. and

my boyfriend quit smoking the same day for financial reasons, he was sick of going outside to smoke, wanted to become more athletic, etc.

right, so, it has been three whole months since we quit! but a week ago (according to my not so honest boyfriend) he decided to start smoking again. I have noticed because he has been meaner to me lately, short tempered, doesn't care to use his vape at all but he hasn't for two months which makes me believe it's been longer than a week relapsed, and he says things when he gets really mad like "fuck this I'm getting a pack of cigarettes I don't care".

I found out he's smoking again by simply reaching in his back seat looking for napkins and found a cigarette pack with like five left. he denied it and was really mean about it. I told him "it's ok to admit that you smoke again. it's addiction and I'm not going to be cruel to you, just be honest with me" but he still denies and says it's an old pack. he's shouting at me and saying I don't know shit and need to stop accusing him. so I finally got him to admit it by walking past his mom with a cigarette in my mouth. she says "oh no.. you smoke again?" I told her "no, I found this in your son's car so I decided to have one myself." that finally made him rage and run to his bedroom. I let him sit in peace and talked with his mom about how I just want him to be honest and nicer to me. I'm accepting and I'm open, I'm understanding. what is he? mean mean mean and dishonest. gets us to the point of fighting, to the point where he's fighting for a lie that he must have actually convinced himself is real. it's really strange.

so anyway I walked back there after a bit of cooling off and tried again. he continued to lie for another 20 mins. even looked me in my eyes and lied with the most sincere voice, I almost believed it. but I broke him down in a comforting way and he finally admitted it. I asked questions, he answered.

one of the questions I asked him was "do YOU WANT to quit? or is this addiction what you want?" he said "I don't know." I said "do what you want to do. it's your body and I'm not judging. but please tell me, do you want to keep smoking or do you want to stop?" he said "probably keep smoking" he also made it clear he doesn't want to be lectured or guilted.

so now I'm wondering what should I do?? is this a deal breaker for anyone? is it wrong to consider it a deal breaker?

I have so many reasons why I don't want to be with a cigarette smoker anymore.

1 fertility 2 financial 3 medical 4 I want a family one day. I want my kids to be raised smoke free as best as we can control. same for our pets. 5 I'm a former addict myself and still addicted to nicotine. I don't need that shit in my life at all!

Like when I was 15-19, I didn't care but now I feel in a different mindset. lately I've been thinking more and more about my goals and what I want in life. which leads me to mention that besides the cigarette smoking, we DO have other issues that make me concerned about furthering this two and a half year relationship or if it would even be possible to grow together but this topic here is about the cigarette smoking lol.

anyone read that whole thing?😂🤣

By the way I've been extremely supportive and have offered a thousand different ways I can help and ways he can quit but he doesn't really care to quit. that's my point. i have Endo and have been having unprotected sex for almost three years, I'm very concerned that we will have an even harder time actually trying to conceive one day because cigarettes do effect fertility, and not always directly. it's also not something I want my kids and pets growing up around like I/mine had to. we agreed to stop together for all of these reasons. so I kind of feel like it's one sided now and I don't like it.