So I’ve severely overdue, as per normal but plus some. I’ve had an EXTREMELY stressful day (best friend got fired, I sussed out I’ve been binge eating and my anxiety is running too high to register at the new doctors - bare in mind I moved to this area back in Dec).

So I do the “normal” thing and browse Facebook to wind down and I find not one but three friends showing their bumps, two others have just got engaged and a cousin has had a miscarriage.

Firstly, I’m happy and sad respectively for them and provided the appropriate comments/private messages etc because I can’t be bitter because my ovaries don’t want to function correctly but I’m sat here having one of those late night Wobblies.

What makes it worse is:

a) it really fucks me off when I seek emotional support about my pcos and all I get is ‘don’t worry I know loads of women who have that and had kids’ or ‘aren’t you too young to be worrying about kids’ - surely there has to be other generic responses beyond pity for my potential but unsure incapabilities to produce offspring. Maybe - now here’s a crazy thought so strap yourselves in - maybe I don’t want kids? Has anyone ever thought about that?? I definitely do but who’s to say that anyone who makes the above comment knows that?

B) I literally couldn’t turn to anyone about it. Not even for a mini - I just binge ate my feelings and I’m terrified my aggrophobia will come back with a vengeance - pity party. Because out of my closest friends, one got the sack from our joint work place, one is dealing with a lot of body weight, epilepsy, child has spinal issues issues, another is in Canada, the other is pregnant with her second child and right now I just can’t project that on her and the rest are abroad on holiday, living life to the max. My ex is happily shacked up with his psycho new gf, theres a guy who will listen but he just does it to get into my pants (still not happening but bless his attempts) and everyone else doesn’t know about my ovaries/hormones/etc and I don’t have the time or effort to explain it.

So here I am, dreading tomorrow, crying on and off and really really alone. Can I get a sad twenty something, well done for trying, 2nd best award yet or?