unexcited grandparents?

This is the first grandchild for my parents. When we told them, my dad seemed excited but my mom did not. She just said “Wow, let me give you a hug” in kind of a deadpan voice.

I’m 31, she had me at 30, so I’m not rocking the boat here. I’m married- my husband and I have degrees, good jobs, and own our house.

I thought it might be a one-off, that maybe she was just not pleased with the surprise or the way we did it even though I had tried to cater it to her (a handmade card delivered in person, with just the four of us). Or that she was upset that I was telling her at only 9 weeks which is “too early to tell anyone” as she said later. However, everything to do with the baby earns me a negative comment, as though having a baby is rude and undignified.

Months later, i said my MIL had asked about a gender reveal party and my mom interrupted and said “Those are so tacky!!” I don’t agree so I said that I would do a small family-only Skype call to announce because the in-laws like them and always do them. She said “Well don’t invite me then. Call me afterwards.”

So I did call her afterwards and she said “Well congratulations” and then later in the same phone call, “Knowing the gender from an ultrasound is just gross. All this science is gross.”

She visited a little while later and said “Your sister thinks we are headed for World War 3, how do you feel about that?” and in the same visit, (this is almost too horrifying to type, it really upset me) “In ancient times, people used to throw defective babies off cliffs.” That one I said, “Could we talk about something else?” and she said “Alright”.

I’m too emotional to successfully confront her and ask her why her comments have been so barbed- I never do stuff like that, and I probably try to hard to please her.

Has anyone dealt with this before? I thought being a grandparent was supposed to be a joy- playing with an irresistible baby with none of the responsibilities. I just don’t understand... 😔