I just need to vent really quick.

so recently i have been having a lot of shit going on in my life. i recently had my only bestfriend just up and leave my life. so now im lonlier than ever. i thought maybe going on a trip w my sister would help but it doesnt. also my boyfriend has been letting me go to school without working but recently our bills have been so crazy and with her just up and leaving she put us so far behind in debt its unreal. our gas is off so we cant cook or take showers. our electricity was off and so i decided that i was going to drop my only dream that i have ever had since i was a little girl. so im dropping out of school and my heart is literally so sad and hurt. i moved 900 miles away from my mom to go to school but i cant even do that and now i have to look for jobs that i know im going to hate. i have been 4 years clean of self harm and honestly i dont think ill last much longer because since i dont have anyone to talk to im a bit more aggressive than usual. i thought my boyfriend wouldve picked up on my signs but he just got mad at me and told me to not take it out on him but like hes the only person i have so now im forced to keep everythinf inside once again and it hurts everything inside my body. i just want to cut away at my skin right now.