I'm looking for a but of a uplift as I've had a really rough time this last year.. P.S Long Post.

This is my son. He is 4 month old.

During my pregnancy it was a rough go.. my son had a 2 vessel cord that was hypercoiled.. I had more appointments with doctors and specialists than I'd care to admit as I was a high risk. I induced on my due date but was well aware that if I were to show any complications during this time I would be going for an emergency c-section. Thankfully, i was able to have him naturally (thanks to a lovely thing called an epidural). He is my Mirical Baby as both my fiance and I were not supposed to be able to produce a child.

I was informed my son was healthy, and I had no reason to be alarmed as all his ultrasounds and laboratory work came back clean.

I was so excited! after months of no-stop appointments I could finally relax a little.

Unfortunately that was not the case. we knew there may be a chance of complications later in his life, but as a parent I hoped I'd never have to see those days.

Shortly after being born, my son started to drop rapidly in the weight percentiles. 50%-16%-9% and now 1.9%. He is now an Urgant Case. I know on average have 3-4 appointments a week for him with my family Dr., Pediatrician, Dietiti9an, and Lactation Consultant. Every single one has told be he doing great and is healthy but his weight. "he needs to gain weight" is the most common phrase I hear now..

I started out is life solely breastfeeding( it's a huge thing in my world to be able to breastfeed my skn) and have had to suck up my own pride(which sounds extremely selfish) in order to give my son a mix of expressed breastmilk and formula just to try and get him to gain weight.. I have been fortunate enough to have a son who is hitting his milestones. is full of smiles, laughs and play. despite his lack of weight he is fill of energy.

I am a SAHM, who is feels she has failed herself due to everything that is happening to my little man. I have been put on 5 different pills to help me still be able to breast feed and pump and unfortunately I'll probably been on more and my son will require supplements.

I am seeking a help as I have sunk very low into depression. and hope that I can help my son the best I can. in addition to everything unfortunately due to the hours my spouse works. I am pretty much a single parent.. which does not help me in any way...

thank you I just needed to vent..