This is a long post but hopefully someone takes the time to read it and offer support or advice. TIA

Ill summarize this as much as possible. Ive been married the past 4 years but lets go back to the years when ee were just dating. So when i first met him he was charming and laid back, i was never pressed about a bf but he asked me to be his girlfriend and i agreed. Things took a quick turn later when i was around 3 months pregnant he was verbally abusive , emotionally abusive, and later physically abusive. I was very passive growing up so i never stood up for my self friends begged me to leave. maybe about 3 months post partum i left the depression i was going through was too much. For a a year i was single and he realized what he had done. He later changed and showed me a better side of him and outsiders thought it would safe to go back so i did. Welp soon as we got a place together things went back to hell i was verbally and emotionally abused. I began to gain weight and asked for help to loose it and he belittled me and told me he hadnt had a chance to enjoy what i used to look like. Mind u we were in the process of being married I felt to embarassed to call it off on top of the fact u cant get a refund. After two years i hit the same dark place amd tried to leave by financially preparing myself and on his owm he did better. He actually has become a better person over the years. However i feel like his past abuse from his mother has him messed up in some way. when he happy he treats me so well and when hes angry he makes me feel so bad. I talked to him about this and healthy ways to disagree and how we can be better. but he chooses to give me the silent treatment and not care about me during these periods. My first pregnancy i was 18 and he hated that my mon always was there and gave me support. This time around as a adult my mom is supportive at a distance and he doesnt come to my appts which i told my self was okay until an important appt came up concerning my health and i needed someone there so badly. It was scheduled on his day off at the time im scheduled off work he said he would pick me up. I spent longer than usual with the dr so when he did arrive to pick me up he got frustrated outside and left me and treated me poorly that night but i didnt say anything or engage in anyway to start a fight. I was hurt i do need another ultrasound because i have hypertension and he doesnt want to come. so i try to play strong and think of all his positives but being with him changed me im no longer passive i grew to defend myself and idt he likes that because when i tell the truth of what he has done to me and how i never do that to him some how he feels disrespected and says im reckless and my mouth gets me in trouble. How is stating the truth so wrong? Just recently im at my breaking point im depressed i do everything on my own financially he just pays his half of the rent and his phone bill and the car note. the daycare electric car insurance car warranty our daughter needs are on me and most of the time groceries are on me .i will be on maternity leave soon and i dont get paid and i asked that ge help me and ill try to save as well. Im not sure if he cant process this concept , he doesnt care, or he thinks in the u.s jobs pay maternity leave but he declines over time because hes tired. You know what tired is when he used to work night shift and i was hime alone raising a child doing homework with her on top o my college course homework on top of commiting to the gym to loose weight on top of killing myself at work to make ends meet pulling overtime while all he is capable of is 8 hours a day ehile i suffer. The smallest things turns into the biggest fights. Sunday i pick him up from work i say i dont feel well. i stop to a store to grab something u he switch seats with me no i still drove. he began to complain about my driving i told him ppl are rude and wouldn't let me turn . We get in a lot and he complains again so i told him to drive then bitch. he said he sick of my mouth and he feela disrespected and sat n the car so i drove him went in another room. later for dinner i asked what we he eat ge said o idc like our child has to eat and he says to me he dont care about me and what ever i need is my problem. I must admit all the abuse he took me thru has turned me n to a monster and some how he plays victim. I shouldnt have called him a bitch but he kept naggin at me and two rights dont make a wrong but he tells me im being a bitch when he doesnt have his way im so over beggin and pledin and cryin over this man ive resorted to goin toe to tow with him since he bullied me into the person i am now. I just wanna leave this relation ship and be able to take care of my kids and gain my sanity back.