Is it time to leave for good?

Nichole

Some quick background

I'm currently unemployed been looking for work for over a year I'm on SSI for neurological disabilities that hinder me being able to drive safely tourette syndrome OCD anxiety seizures. I receive no income from that though as my husband makes to much working non fast food minimum wage. He is a dsp he works taking care of the developmentally disabled. We hardly get anything assistance wise. Makes me regret getting married we lost so much income. My income is gone. So I'm heavily reliant on him working. He has his own mental health issues. They always seem to be thrown up whenever I need more help from him we fight ect I'm not invalidating his issues I literally have mental health issues as well DIFFERENCE IS I WILL SEEK TREATMENT AND AM IN TREATMENT. He refuses but will say my anxiety makes his anxiety and depression flare he hates his life hes miserable. But only when I'm trying to get things more stable at home. Ex. We have a one month old daughter I'm hoping one of the jobs I interviewed for gets back to me this week I start next week. I talked to him this morning because he didn't want to take care of her for a bit while I showered and ran to the store to get pads because I had an unexpected surprise. Thankfully a friend got them for me

I literally tried waking him up said hey ca you watch her for a bit he said why I'm tired went back to sleep. She was very irritable this morning so I stayed home. Regardless when he woke up I explained we need to set a schedule especially since I have to be back working to make rent. I cannot do all day and every night.( I'm literally experiencing failing health from just inability to make time to take care of myself and my insurence is dragging there feet on an MRI AND MRV) not to mention lack of sleep heightens all my problems. He got defensive and was just like well you make it so hard at home I dont want to be here. I don't care what you do with your stress and anxiety just dont throw it on me. I dont wanna help you until you can figure out how to deal with it. Tried explaining I just need time to decompress and distress even when I get five minutes I'm washing laundry dishes on my feet working with insurence company paying bills budgeting there no true time i can just collapse on the couch or even go sit at a park. He said long story short I dont care what you did with the stress internalize it till you get cancer I dont care I'm tired of dealing with it. I know he loves his daughter very much. I've attached pictures of him with her. I'm just worn. I see a pattern forming where I'm basically going to be the one taking care of her 24/7 I'm going to be begging for his help unless he wants to take initiative on that day which is kind of rare. Prior to her birth I left him a couple times because I felt disrespected and he claimed he was over with me. But always wanted me back promised to fix shit work on his issues. I was almost stable on my own. And I shot myself in the foot because I went back to him. I dont want to take his daughter from him. But I'm unhappy and I do love him so much I just we have good days as long as im not really asking for help around the house or with her. And I'm not getting to frustrated or whiney. I thought things were changing right before she was born he was really fantastic and right after but it's starting to come back. And I feel like if he doesn't want to go to a doctor or even get help with mental health but is going to throw that up when its convenient I guess idk. Opinions I know no one knows us and the whole story I just I'm lost