Sometimes I feel like a terrible Christian. I go to church every Sunday. I pray almost daily. I sing worship songs that touch my soul. I try to dress modestly.

But, I cuss. I try not too but sometimes it slips out. I watch tv shows and movies that probably aren’t beneficial to my relationship with the Lord (Like Orange is the New Black, Salem, Deadpool). I make sex jokes with my husband. The list could go on.

I just feel like such a failure. My marriage isn’t Christ centered enough either. My husband is a Christian and goes to church as well, though not as often as me (It usually is because he has to work). He cusses more than I do, and of course watches the same shows and movies. It also doesn’t help that his only two friends aren’t Christian. (Well, they claim to be, but one of them certainly doesn’t act like it. He repeatedly shows my husband nude images of his girl friends without any warning to my husband. Both my husband and myself have asked him not too. He continues to do so).

Often times I tell him I feel like a terrible Christian and he assures me that I’m not, but I still feel that I am. I guess that I am just rambling and venting. I’m not sure what to do. I’ve prayed about it but I still feel this awful feeling in the pit of my chest. I want to be a better Christian and a better person. But cutting some of these things out of my life would be nearly impossible considering some of them are staples in my husbands life as well.

I’ve also recently found out that my stepfather, who I grew up having this amazing Christian image of, cusses like a sailor while at work, makes sex jokes, and looks at other women (just looks, never touches or flirts). My husband has recently started working with him which is how I found all this out. I’m just in a really weird place now and I’m not sure what to do.