Irritated - rant

Kastle ā€¢

We've been "trying" for nine months now (how ironic šŸ™„), since December, when I had my Nexplanon implant removed. Now, I've always had a problem with my period just spontaneously stopping and not coming back, so I wasn't too shocked when I didn't have a period. After about four months I went to my family doctor and she told me to wait a couple more months because the hormones can linger, but since it was the third or fourth time my period has stopped just since going to her, I needed to go see a GYN. So, I did. Mind you, nobody told me about any of this before getting it put in or taken out, so I was testing and getting let down every month. July came and still no period, soI went to my GYN. She drew some blood (to see if I have any hormone imbalances [came back with high prolactin levels, go back in October to get it checked]) and perscribed me provera to get my period started as well as (supposedly) keep it going. So, here we are. Still no period, or positive test. My period was due on Sunday (Aug. 26), tested Monday and got a negative. Haven't tested again yet, don't totally know if I want to. I'm honestly feeling so defeated. What if it isn't the prolactin? What if I couldnt ever get pregnant? What if the implant totally screwed me up and I just can't anymore? I have two wonderful step-children and I love them more than anything else, but I deeply want a child of my own, to be able to be an actual mother (their mom is in their lives and I'm very happy about that - kids need it), to be able to be called mom/mommy/momma. I feel my heart break a little bit more and I get a little more worried every time I get a negative.