I need opinions! it’s long I’m sorry but thanks for reading if you did.

So I have severe anxiety, I was on medication for it but long story short I couldn’t afford the medication/help! I’ve been off of it for awhile now and I feel fine but then I get bad episodes of anxiety.. I get more stressed/anxious when I can’t change or do anything to make a situation better. Well a lot has been going on lately that I can’t change! I haven’t had an attack more recently but I definitely feel the anxiety in my chest. What I need an opinion for is...

I feel I’m at my lowest when I get my episodes and I start thinking “I can’t handle this I can’t do this anymore, life is too hard” and after some time I’m back to normal! Completely fine, still stressed but no longer in an episode. I feel I need serious help when I have my episodes but then when I’m back to normal it just feels like getting help would be a waste of money because “I’m fine now”

What is your opinion for what I should do? Do you think I’m right to say I don’t need help or? I feel like two completely different people when I’m okay and when I’m in an episode and it feels like I can’t say an answer when both theoretical people are correct. I do need help when I have anxiety but I don’t need help when I’m fine.. I’m confused and conflicted!