Struggling on my 38th birthday

We suffered a miscarriage over Christmas last year, and haven't gotten pregnant since then. Today is my birthday, and, while we have only been trying for a year, I'm really having a tough time. No one who hasn't been here understands, even my most empathetic friends - and even my mum and husband, although they are of course totally supportive and grieving, too. I'm filled with such deep and private grief, and panic that I will never get pregnant again. We've already had fertility testing, and we'll do assisted reproduction if we have to, but of course I'm in a panic that even those things won't be successful. I feel like this is never going to happen, even though I know that's probably irrational. Work and hobbies are a nice distraction, but my mind keeps coming back to what we've lost, and how pointless accomplishing anything else seems in the face of this. I know that sounds really dark, and melodramatic. Mostly I have hope, but I seesaw into complete freak-out mode at least a few times every month.