Petrified to have another baby

I really want another baby in the future but at the same time I dont. My son almost died in the womb because he was incredibly small, he survived thankfully! My pregnancy was hard af. I was in labor for 27 hours without an epidural (my choice). I pushed for 1 hour, couldnt get his head out. Got an episiotomy which she didnt clip enough which required another snip. I expierced hemmorhing, was bleeding out and took an hour to get my placenta out. I almost died, i than was given fluids after I gave birth to induce more contractions than I got a husband stitch which caused a second hole to form about 3 weeks pp. Thankfully the stitch broke or I'd have two holes. I'm scared to go through that process again. I want to try again for a daughter but I dont want to go through the pain afterwards again. I am scared. Really am. I dont want to go through this again, but I dont want my son to be an only child.