How long does depression and grief after abortion last for? I am so depressed

If I had known that depression affected a person like me at my age so bad I would not have taken that path in life. All kids are a blessing no matter what situation you're in if I wasn't pressured into aborting my child by the people I loved. I would be happy until today. From 2015 to now I am still in pain I distance myself from family and friends I don't date. I want to be happy but am not. My loss of my child has me dreaming of him/ her and how good of a mother i could have been.