Waiting on a miracle
So I’m a very private person when it comes to this subject but it dawned on me that there are others that could possibly benefit and grow from my struggle with infertility.
The desire for another child has gripped my heart for 15 years. Both of my sons are a miracle. God did intervene and no medicine, surgery, or assistance was ministered by the hands of a doctor. I really thought God would do it the same way again, but he hasn’t yet. I’ve had two pregnancies but they ended in miscarriage.
The first miscarriage was 15 years ago. It was in the beginning of trying so we never imagined there was a problem with infertility. We passed it off as maybe we needed to work on timing or that it just was a little harder for us. When the first miscarriage happened we thought it wasn’t God’s timing for us to have another child yet. We grieved... then off and on tried again. I never could “kick” the desire of wanting another child. I even asked God to remove the desire. I feared losing another pregnancy, but wasn’t willing to stop trying.
After 7 years we became pregnant again. This pregnancy ended in another miscarriage. It was devastating. No sooner than I found out...... I found myself in the hospital losing another baby. It was so tough. I felt I was all alone.
Side note: spiritual leaders should always be careful what they say and when they say it. During this miscarriage I was told by a spiritual leader to gather my strength that it would not be appropriate for me to grieve publicly because it was such a personal matter. That really hurt almost as bad as the loss, but I did it. The advice (well instruction) ended up causing years of private inadequacy and depression because I bottled up all my pain, frustration, and disappointment.
Several months after that miscarriage we finally officially but still privately started trying. I kept track of temperatures, checked fluids and made sure we were doing the right things at the right times. During this time, we have had several prophecies that we would have more children.
But still no baby.
So here we are we wait..........
We have started our medical journey of infertility clinics. I first started with asking my doctors if it was insanity. I asked if they could “shut down” the desire and if I was too old or if Rodney was. They said they would not “shut me down” before they helped us try for our miracle. They also said we were not too old. (Lol Children’s ministry must keep you young). But they did say we would need assistance. Chances are it won’t just happen.
So with careful planning we have now started our journey. This month we start with all the testing. They will check FSH levels and make sure they aren’t high. Then they will give me clomiphene to increase egg production(btw I would LOOOOVE to have healthy twins). Then I will recheck FSH levels. Then they will start tests on Rodney’s motility and his count levels. If all goes well we will wait for conception. If levels are bad they will move to <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IUI</a> AND <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> which are NOT covered by insurance and happen to be VERY EXPENSIVE. At this point we will have to decide on adoption, donor,or embryo adoption, or stopping. I really hope we don’t have to go this far. I’m not sure how we’d pay for it, but God knows. I want the clomiphene to work.
So why did I share? Because sometimes our struggle is not about us. Sometimes others need to see my struggle to know they aren’t the only one that faces problems beyond our control. Others need to see me run to God and release it. They may need to grow by seeing things that are impossible so they will know when it happens a miracle and not some lucky chance has happened.
I also am posting this because we need your prayers. This is all on God. I’m releasing it. Please pray for strength, confirmation, and a healthy baby or babies. Please pray for finances. Pray and believe. This is everyone’s miracle. I believe God is up to something crazy good. Please believe with us.