As the title implies, I'm a catholic lesbian.

I don't feel like I fully belong in either community.

My faith has always meant the world to me, and I love the structure and theology.

Coming to terms with my sexuality is new and scary.

I talked to a priest and a Deacon on separate occasions.

The priest said I can still receive communion, that I'm still loved, and that I'm not the only gay Catholic. This was kind of comforting. He said there's a lot of grey area and to use my best judgement, but that any marriage I have won't be sacramental, and that physical intimacy and adoption/fostering would be off the table.

He said my future relationship would basically have to be a friendship.

My Deacon's reaction was "I knew, and you deserve to be happy and marry a nice girl,"

In a church that's supposed to be universal, I feel like I'm getting different answers.

I've never considered leaving until now. It'd break my heart, but when I hear language like "objectively disordered," and "intrinsically evil," I wonder why I should even stay. But mostly I wonder if I'll ever love myself.