So my husband and I have been preventing pregnancy (condoms) even though I want a baby. I respect his wishes to not have one right now, though we are doing well in life and in our careers right now. We could support a baby. But I get it, he wants freedom.

Anyway, last month we must have had a slip up or a faulty condom because I found out I was pregnant two weeks ago. I was absolutely ecstatic obviously, and I know he would come around soon enough. He’d be over the moon. But last Friday I started cramping really bad, bleeding and and apparently lost the pregnancy. Bled for 8 days (usually 4 day period) and actually ended up dehydrated and anemic. It was miserable and painful.

I’m beyond devastated. He’s happy. We’re not TTC so it’s not like I can try again, or have anything to look forward to. Not for years, maybe never.

I don’t want a car, a hobby, a night out... nothing. I want a child and to be a mommy. I don’t want sex because what if this happens again? We were careful last time. I don’t want him to look at me, or touch me or even be with him after he didn’t support me through this, much less being happy I had a miscarriage. Even after i told him how much this hurt me. He says “this isn’t about you”. I almost hate him at this point.

I feel sad, empty and alone. Like I lost someone or something I never really truly had. That I don’t even get the chance to replace. Yet somehow I’m supposed to go about my everyday life. I hate this