My parents are out of town and I decide to invite some friends over, plus a girl I liked but I knew I didn’t have a chance because she had a girlfriend. Well, I’m already 3 drinks in, sort of a lightweight, not completely. And we are sitting by the fire, I’m in a kiddie pool with my bathing suit on. The girl I like, B, was totally flirting with me and kept on wanting me to admit I liked her, so was everyone else. Everyone knew but I tried to deny it to hard. I was in a boot, I broke my foot a few weeks before. So when it was time to come in, B helped me in, I’m in my bathing suit and 5 shots of tequila in. She only had five shots but I had 5 shots plus really strong mixed drinks. She let me get myself dressed, and was making sure not to see me naked. Okay, right? Well, after I’m dressed! I yell, “SHOTS” , my little sister decided to pour them out and we took them one after another, so now I’m 3 drinks in and 10 shots later, I don’t remember a thing. I remember crying to B telling her that I was sorry for liking her because she had a girlfriend. My sister told me the next day, B yelled out of my room “Look what I did” There was a golf ball size of a hickey on my neck. At first, I figured everything was consensual, I wasn’t that drunk. But I started to remember the night, I remember being held down against my will, while she sucked on my neck. I wanted to call the police, but I can’t. I’m 19, and she was 17 at the time. I confronted her, she denied it. Her girlfriend told me to “stop telling lies, I was too drunk to remember anyways.” I wish I could get it out of my head, but I can’t. This isn’t the first time I’ve been sexually assaulted and I feel like I can only blame myself because this is the 3rd time this has happened to me. How do I even cope ?