My “recovery” story

So basically, ever since my mom passed away, I would eat and eat so I could feel full and sleep quicker cuz I was basically a depressed 1st grader. From age 7-14 I was obese but it wasn’t until I was 12 when I noticed it and felt TERRIBLE about myself. Once middle school started, all my “friends” started not being my friend because of how I looked and I think that’s what trigger my whole insecurity thing. I was always the ugly friend out of all my friend groups so I thought “well if I’m not pretty, then I should be funny” but I chose to be weird funny... not “you’re hilarious funny” it was more like “wtf are you doing, that’s crazy, we’re in public” type funny... you feel me. But I was always like that even before my mom was gone. But yea, all my friends had boyfriends, I didn’t... every time I thought a guy liked me, he was only using me to get to my friends... JUST SAD UGLY DUCKLING STORIES... I’ll just insert a pic or 2 of me during that time

That was 6th grade when I was a Cherry Blossoms Princess. I don’t have any other pics rn but you can see it on my face. But I couldn’t find a way to get rid of the fat. Then I thought I should drink for water and people say drink a whole bottle before you eat... so I did. And I would get kinda full on that one bottle of water. So then I thought I should drink one bottle for breakfast, one bottle for lunch, a bottle while I doing homework, and then one at dinner with whatever I’m eating... so I basically used to drink water all day and then eat food for dinner. Did that during the last few weeks of 7th grade and saw the pounds slide off. So I kept doing it and doing it all through 8th grade. I went from 160 to 140lbs from 8th grade to the beginning of 9th grade. Just think of 20 lbs of fat on a little girl who’s 5’2... or 5’1 cuz apparently I shrunk an inch from last year. Anyways when I got my physical for sports in 9th grade, they talked to me about my weight like “you’ve been losing weight rapidly which isn’t good so let just try to stay at this weight” not for me NOT AT ALL!!! I wanted to be skinnier cuz I wasn’t as skinny as I wanted to be. So I kept doing it. Now it’s the beginning of 10th grade and I need a physical for the same sport. When I’m there, she said I shrunk an inch and that I lost 10lbs. So now I’m at 130 and this was recent, like a month ago. So she basically says that I’m “anorexic” but I was confused but I have fat and muscles on my body

And she said “you just haven’t gotten to the dangerous zone where you don’t have muscle nor fat on your body” and I was like... welp what we gonna do and she put me on these little nutrient shakes cuz I hate eating breakfast cuz it makes me tired. So now I’m eating more... gained some fat... I’m at 135 now and I can see how I’m anorexic cuz those 5lbs matter to me soooo much and I try not to care but I can’t help it. So I want to go back to my old diet really really bad but I won’t... so that’s my story.