Married virgins (? TMI) please advise

1st time post-a bit nervous.. but much needed help..and please don’t judge us..

My husband n I...we have known of each other for about 9 yrs, we were friends for 6 of those years...and for 2yrs, we didn’t keep in touch, because well life. Fortunately our paths crossed again.. and we have been married for nearly 8 months by now.. we have been exploring each other this whole time- and it’s been amazing ! Discovered things about ourselves and each other that we didn’t even know were possible...but we haven’t yet done THE deed. My husband and I are both concerned that maybe we are way too slow..since it’s been some months now.. we are both a bit shy- which is actually an understatement.

Thing is. We have only ever been around each other in the friend zone- religiously not physical or sexual. When we met again, neither of us wanted to let go and a lot of butterfly crushey lovey dovey feelings came back which we hadn’t acted upon- as we were simply friends..but he’s always made up his mind to marry me and I didn’t even realize when I fell for him.. I love him but . Premarital sexual relations not allowed in our belief system.. so we kept things very neutral n friendly..

But since we married.. we have been getting very close.. physically n emotionally. ESP physically.. and it’s lovely.. but scary at the same time.. because maybe human part of us cringes a bit , psychological scar from negative sex imagery maybe?, but the more animal part is having a legit field day.. and it’s awesome to act on instincts.. but...

We have tried to familiarize his tip and my opening.. this is a big task tho. Because we both cringe quite a bit at the thought...and one of the times — maybe it was the fact that I had to stop and guide a bit? And maybe dried out or tightened up?? But I felt a lot of pain just at tip placement!! The first time he actually got to my V.. And the thought of penetration suddenly got hell scary.. I was in legit pain on such a slight pressure..

I’ve got to know please.. does it always hurt a lot the first time? What can I do to make it not hurt that first time? Because I know myself- if sth hurts- I’ll not do it.. and stick to whatever’s more comfortable.. and I’m nearly 30! Sigh.. I feel ashamed.. & sad because my pain threshold only seems to be decreasing with time..

He is a virgin as well, same as me, so it’s safer and easier for us both to opt for the more comfortable choice.. which is basically helping each other reach O and that is really fun in itself too because there’s so many options and stuff...but of course..

He and I both have our reservations— mine is the pain... his is the pain it’s going to cause me and also a level of weirdness he feels.. he says he enjoys it a lot when the tip is there or around there.. but he is still not familiar enough to go at it with confidence.. so we thought we should try n explore and roadmap my places for us :) except... every time we kinda get near to doing that- we sorta end up doing other things again n then post-O, we both feel too awkward to have that convo

He loves me and I cannot be more sure of that.. but sometimes I wonder maybe if he was with someone else he would be able to go there...someone more dominant or less reserved and self conscious..

He always rejects that notion though ... he feels the problem is with himself..

What can I do to make this easier for us? Are we weird to be so worried about it? Do other couples take this long to do it?

Anyway.. idk what I’m asking.. any advice is welcome.. and please do share any wisdom regarding decreasing pain the first time... thank you for reading &/or responding..