Emotional help?

Sorry is this seems like I’m being a baby about this or if it seems like I’m selfish or whatever but I really need some help and advise from women who know what I’m going through. On August, 20 2017 I lost my baby at 8 weeks. At this time I had no clue that I had pcos. I didn’t have a period for about 8 month which wasn’t that out of the norm for me cause I was already used to not really having my period. I finally went to the doctor because me and my fiancé wanted to try for another baby and it wasn’t happening. Come to about March of 2018 I got diagnosed with pcos. I just felt nothing but sadness. Because I’m almost 20 and in my head all I felt is because of my body I practically killed my own baby and I don’t know if that’s gone through anyone else’s head of felt that way but all I do is cry and feel bad. Yesterday I went to my first ever baby shower and she was having a boy and when I was pregnant all I wanted was a boy and it not that I wasn’t happy for her cause I was extremely happy for her but I wish I was that happy. All I thought was right now I should have a 5 month old baby. And I don’t really understand why I feel this way because I know it’s not impossible to have a baby. I also feel like a bad gf and soon to be wife because the one thing he wants my body has to be stubborn about and all though he says it’s fine it’ll happen I could see on his face how he wishes it could happen. I’m just so lost and I don’t know how to feel better.