1 year mark

I am sorry if this gets a little tmi. On Saturday It will be the 1 year mark since I lost my son at 35 weeks. I delivered him naturally. He was 4 lbs 8 oz and 19 inches long. We had him cremated and his ashes sit in the back of a teddy bear. I couldn't bury him. It felt like I was abandoning him. Now the 1 year mark slow approaches and my heart aches for him. I miss him so much. I have so many mixed feelings about it. I have requested the day off from work. In a way I feel lost all over again. Please tell me how you got through your 1 year mark. What helped you? To be respectful of others I will only post pictures of the bear only if I am asked for it. Thank you.