Please help! I want to die !

I recently found out I’m pregnant.. 9 weeks and 3 days. My bf and I are separated right now because he rather be with friends and be on his own thing. I got fed up and went off ! He doesn’t know I’m pregnant. In the beginning of the year I got pregnant and he made me get an abortion than I got on birth control and here I am now. He made me get an abortion bc he wasn’t ready for a kid. He has no kids and we are each 28. I have a 2 year old that’s not his. He’s good with my kid and we recently went on a family vacation and it was amazing ! Anyway, since our fight. He doesn’t answer my calls and says that I’m annoying and he wants to be left alone! Now I’m stuck, I’ve been alone with my son since he was born. I’m scared to have another kid alone... i don’t want to have another abortion but I’m scared. I love my bf a lot and it’s like I’m gonna go through it all over again! My son’s father left when my son was 3 weeks old and never came back. We were together for 3 years. I’m just confused and idk ... I need to hear people’s stories.