I am 28 years old . I have two daughter ages 7 and 2. I never experienced any issues with my fertility or had no trouble conceiving.

My first daughter was a unplanned pregnancy at the age of 20 .

My second age 2 we planned I was 25 at the time and tried and got pregnant the first ovulation cycle.

I now am 28 and had another unplanned pregnancy I went in for my ultrasound this Monday 10/1 for dating as I was not 100 percent sure on my lmp. I had morning sickness which I didn’t with the my other 2 pregnancies. My blood work came back great my levels at 6 weeks were 86,000 everything seemed perfect.

When we went to have the ultrasound the baby was measuring a week ahead so I was 9 weeks. Unfortunately there was no fetal movement and no heartbeat. I was and still am absolutely devastated this all happened so unexpectedly, as I had no reason to think anything was wrong based on how everything was progressing well. Today 10/4 I had to have a d/c they put me under anesthesia and the whole process was about 2 hours that’s with my check in to hospital meeting w anesthesiologists and my obgyn going over everything, having the procedure which he said went very smooth and then the post op recovery. I went in at 9am went into OR at 10:15 and left hospital by 12 12:30 ish.

I am having such a hard time getting past how I had to healthy normal pregnancies and then this tragedy happened. I’ve asked every nurse dr if I did anything wrong and they all say NO absolutely not this was nature telling your body that the baby would of. Or have been healthy or there was some sort of issue. Obviously I will never no.

My OBGYN said to me that it is very 1 in4 pregnancies I was shocked to hear how common this is but it doesn’t make anything easier or make you think if I am to try again will this happen to me again .. I can’t imagine having to go threw this devastating situation ever again.

I want more then anything to try once I am healed from this and he said I should be fertile and good to try by mid November.

I know this isn’t something anyone wants to give advice on or talk about . Because once this happen to me I didn’t realize how many people around me have experienced this but it’s never talked about or discussed and almost taboo why is that ? If the statistics are accurate and this happen more commonly then not why are we open about this as women ,mothers, people trying to conceive. As women we hold such an amazing ability to be able to create life and what are bodies can withstand and do is the most amazing miracle in itself. But when something doesn’t go right and something like a miscarriage is to happen I feel as if we hide and it is not something openly discussed because“ as a women we are trained and taught it’s so easy to become pregnant, I had the smoothest pregnancy, it was the perfect textbook situation my body conceive, grew a baby with not one issues the whole pregnancy, I gained the exact weight they say you should, deliver was a breeze.

That is all so far from reality and what probably 95% of us as women don’t even remotely have this textbook situation but that what we are expected of threw this whole pregnancy journey.

So when you soon realize that these expectations and what actually happens during the journey of pregnancy and all the ups and downs the cans/ could/ have situations occur as we are all different. WE ARENT ALL TEXBOOK what’s PROTRAID on social media or just in general of THIS PERFECT EXPECTATIONS A WOMEN we almost have it engraved in our has a that anything that DOES HAPPEN THAT FALLS OUT Of THE TEXTBOOK PREGNANCY is NOT talked about or it’s almost as if it should be a hidden thing and kept as a nope that would never happen to me.

WHY IS THAT ?!?! WHY IS IT THAT YOU HAVE TO LIVE IN SO MUCH FEAR That if I try again. Is this whole miscarriage going to happen again, why do I have question and think and have to much anxiety that if I do try when the time is right the whole time am I going to be a reck thinking for straight 9 weeks that I won’t be slammed again with this gut wrenching feeling of getting told those horrific words NO ONE ever wants to HEAR.

I am asking for advice because only us women who have who have experienced these things understand and how do you move forward if you are going to try l again with out literally driving yourself crazy thinking about it the whole time ?!

Any advice recommendations or experience I would greatly appreciate and would love to hear from you, because it such a empty feeling in the inside but on the outside to other people you have to keep going like everything is ok even though you can’t stop feeling thinking about it or worrying about or happening again?

Much love to all you superwoman that have kids, are trying too, who haven’t had a loss, and to the ones that have. WE as WOMEN are ALL JUST AS POWERFUL AND BEAUTIFUL