Slowly giving up..

I’ve been depressed since I was 12 and I’m 20 now. I’ve wanted to end my life since I was about 14. The ONLY thing holding me back is hurting the people that love me. If I didn’t have anyone, I would’ve ended my life by now and I don’t have the heart to tell my parents because it would hurt them so badly. The only person who brings me true happiness is my boyfriend and that scares me too. If I lost him I’m not sure what I’d do..he’s the only person who can make me feel true happiness when I’m with him. Everyday I hope that something happens to me though. I hope I get killed cause I don’t have the heart to do it myself. I don’t want to tell a therapist cause I don’t want to get sent to a mental hospital. I don’t think they’d believe me when I say I will NOT try to kill myself. I couldn’t do that to my family and friends. I just want this feeling to go away and I don’t think it ever will. There’s no hope for me.