I've been wanting to let this out for awhile now, but I never seemed to know what to say, write, think, or feel. And to be honest I'm not quite sure I have it all fully figured it out yet, and thats okay. But its time for me to just stop, think, and write it out to let it all out and be free and happy. So with that comes a sappy post, but one that will start me out, something thats helping me finally really figure myself out and help me become who I want to be as a healthy strong hardworking mother. ❤️

~October 28th**I was confused to say the least. My fiancè and I had better days. But things seemed to be working out. I was going on about my day and needed to use the restroom. As any other day I sat, used the restroom, then cleaned myself up. But no other day was ever or will ever be like this day. I wiped myself and saw that I had brown discharge. Well this didnt happen my first pregnancy so I felt as if something was wrong. And my gut was right.

•Later that night I had went and used the restroom again. Now there was bleeding. I was sure but didnt want to believe it. I started panicking realizing whats going on but still in disbelief. This can't happen to me? This WOULDN'T happen to me. Then my thought came to, this IS happening to me. Now im thinking, WHY is this happening to me. Till this day I'll never know why. The doctors say "it just happens" and "its normal". I believe its normal, I know its normal and that it happens. But why don't people talk about it like its normal? Thats where I was really confused about why it was happening to me and where I believed it shouldnt have happened but it did. My fiance came home from work that evening and I had told him what was happening and Im so blessed to say he was so good with me at that point in time. Just trying to be there for me. Knowing he wasnt quite sure what to feel either.

~9pm* The Clot***So even later that night. It happened. I used the bathroom. And, it, fell out. I know (well I feel) that it is wrong to say "it"like that. But thats just the thing. I dont know how to determine what this feeling is or was. I had no help in that. Thats partially why I want to speak about it now. To at least get another story out there that you're not alone. So that I know IM not alone. I know im not, even tho I may feel as if I were. I know it wasnt my fault as to why I had my miscarriage. And nobody should feel as if it were your fault. You are beautiful and your body is a temple. When things are ready they will all come. ~Everything happens for a reason~. Now almost a year later I am finally pregnant with another little one! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜 I know our LO is guarding from above 👶🏽✨