Pregnant with abusive ex
I think I'm pregnant, I've missed my period (not tested yet because I'm abroad and dont know where to find tests.) My period was due on Saturday and usually only lasts 4/5 days, I also get symptoms in the run up to it which I haven't had.
Whilst I've been on holiday me and my partner split up due to a lot of emotional abuse taking place, he would call me all the names under the sun including fat, ugly, annoying, disgusting, tramp and telling me to fuck off constantly, or I'd try to cuddle in to him and he would complain of being too hot and needing 'space'. He's also very good at manipulating people and making them feel like they were in the wrong, although it was him.
I'm heartbroken, me and him were together for two years and trying for a baby for the last year of it and I had four early miscarriages in that period of time. Although I'm happy that I think this one might be sticky, I'm so traumatized by the fact that we struggled so much to have a baby and now we've broken up its most likely happened and I honestly dont know what to do. I dont want to talk to him, he knows I've missed my period (I told him it started then I told him I'd lied about that I was just confused about what to do).
I do want him to be a part of the baby's life but I don't want to him to be a part of mine, it took me long enough to be free of him.
I would never, ever have considered abortion but I will not lie, it has gone through my head as I don't want the baby being in an unstable enviroment. But I dont think I could physically or emotionally do this to myself, as a baby is all I've ever wanted.
PS ; don't tell me not to panic until I test, I'm 95% sure I'm pregnant so just give me advise please and thank you