My fears have been confirmed

I have been fretting over the faintness on my positive pregnancy tests. I had suffered a miscarriage at 8 weeks back in July and finally fell pregnant this month. My tests were faint and weren’t getting any darker. I tried confiding in friends who told me I was crazy for caring (never had a miscarriage to truly understand) I told my husband I think I’m going to miscarry and he told me how negative and worried I was being for no reason. I called my doctor to explain to her how I felt. I didn’t FEEL pregnant. My tests weren’t giving me hope and I felt far too crampy for it to just be growing pains. They wouldn’t even see me to draw blood. Here I am, 4w3d having a chemical. I feel like at being 28 years old and having a baby boy who’s 2 without any issues I just have had eggs or something. I don’t know why else I’d have two miscarriages in a row. My doctor told me after my first miscarriage to wait a cycle and try again. I went to the nurse practitioner two months later for pelvic pain and she yelled at me for trying and said I could suffer another miscarriage if I don’t wait three. Even though the doctor gave me the go ahead. That’s the month I fell pregnant and I can’t help but to think that somehow this is my fault. I can even imagine trying for another baby and losing that one too. I just feel a mess and no one understands. :(