Is it just me?😔

Anyone else hate porn and like the perpetual sexualization of women and rape culture in the industry, but like you’ve seen some that you like, but after you kinda hate yourself and go back to your original view of porn? I’ve been struggling with this issue for a couple years honestly. It all started because my boyfriend uses reddit. And not just like sometimes.. he literally goes on Reddit every second of the day that he can basically whether he’s with me or at work, on his break, at lunch, etc. and at the beginning, he would show me funny porn posts. Like before even asking if I liked porn, he would just show stuff to me and my stupid ass would just roll my eyes and down vote it for him or scroll past for him, but I really should have told him from the first time he did it that I found that really disrespectful and didn’t have the same views about it as him, but I didn’t and just kept getting annoyed and realized he was following a bunch of porn stars and cam girls on Instagram and even then I didn’t say anything right away. What made it weird for me was that I just had never been in this situation before. I’d been with 7 different guys before him, but I never once thought about them watching porn or knew they followed those kinds of girls on social media and they never just joked about porn or talked about porn lingo. I didn’t hear any of that until I started dating him and was around him and his guy friends. I have an older brother, but he wasn’t like that either. I just assume he keeps that stuff private like I thought most guys probably did. But not him. So it was so new for me. So I ended up getting drunk and unsubscribing to all of the porn subreddits he followed thinking that was the only way he could see it, but I was wrong. I told him literally the second after I did it, like ran into the bathroom crying and he was just like “okay”. He didn’t even care and then I realized if I’d just communicated from the start he wouldn’t have done any of that, like wow communication actually does fix things, go figure right? Wrong. Even after he stopped following accounts like that, I still get anxiety when he is on Reddit and if he’s on the all page and scrolls by a blurred out porn post I’m instantly filled with anxiety and repulsion. He knows this, so now he just tries to be on the popular page in front of me. But he has always sent me cute baby or animal posts just randomly and I used to love it and now everyone he does, I just end up going on Reddit to see what else he could be possibly looking at and I hate it. I don’t want to be like this anymore because this is literally the only thing wrong with our relationship and we’ve had multiple conversations over the past 3 years and he’s flat out told me he’d stopped looking at that stuff and he actually felt really good about it, but that was a while ago and for like a year, maybe less I’ve been able to just tell that he’s been watching it when we’re not together, and like that cool, I’m not trying to control him and make him not watch it, I just don’t want to know about it and wish porn wasn’t on reddit. And not just actual porn, what makes me really upset is that random girls post pictures of the vaginas or boobs, like just normal girls. That’s probably the thing that upsets me more. Like what if I just did that? Idk what to do and could really use some advice or would like to know if anybody else has been in a situation like this. I’m really trying to work on my insecurities, but it’s just really hard for me to talk about or find people who relate just because I view sex a bit different due to traumatic experiences I’ve been through, so I just kind of feel alone in my views. Like I watched a documentary about feminist porn and I felt like maybe I could like that, but I’m afraid to explore and I honestly just prefer actual physical human contact.