Rape? (Updated)

My first time wasn’t the best. All of my firsts were forced and I didn’t really want them (all with the same guy). I know that he wanted them so I did it anyway not thinking about what I wanted. After a little I started to realize that I didn’t want to, told him so and that I felt used, and he said he’d stop. But after a couple days of him saying that, I could tell when he was in the mood or wanted something and I’d do it because I didn’t want him upset or hurt me (his family has a history of violence). Part of me feels like I did it because that’s what I had to do as his girlfriend, that I have to give him a blowjob or handjob. He then wanted to do things to me and I let him although I wasn’t ready, and this time I knew it. It never felt good, and sometimes he’d be so ruff (thinking i felt good) that it’d hurt to pee days after. I never said no but my body language was clear and he knew that I never wanted it, and did it anyway.

Parts of me feel like I was technically raped, he knew I didn’t want it and only did it for him because I was honestly scared... was it?