At my 6 week postpartum check up, I had told my doctor that I had been experiencing mood swings and depression since my baby was born. I told him I thought about hurting myself a few weeks ago (I cut myself in high school), and he recommended I go get evaluated at a psychiatric hospital.

The hospital recommended that I come see them all day for a full week for intensive therapy... but my child who I’m breastfeeding isn’t allowed. I told them no way, so now I’m signed up for an intensive outpatient program.

I have to drive an hour to this hospital three days a week for a three hour group therapy session, and you’ve guessed it... no babies allowed.

Unfortunately, I don’t have anyone to take care of the baby besides my husband. We are new to the state we are living in, and I don’t trust baby sitters because my toddler cousin was raped by hers. So now my husband will have to leave work early three days a week for a month, so I can do this.

(Did I mention all of this happened on my birthday? Still upset.)

I’m bummed because I had been feeling a lot better in the past few weeks, and this just put a dark cloud over everything. I’d love to receive help in the future, and I realize they want to help now, but this is making post partum life more stressful.

I guess I’d like some advice on whether or not I should go through with this.

One one hand, I’m sure I could benefit from a mental health program.

On the other hand, the idea of being away from my baby for 5 hours and preparing to make that work logistically is upsetting.